Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
