It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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