We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
