How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Im part way to drunk.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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