I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
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I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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