I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
