It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
