His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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