Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
