I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
