well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
