I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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