I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
