found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So much rum. So many feels.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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