I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This baby is an asshole
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
