Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
