do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
