I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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