Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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