The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
