my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
