alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
