Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
