My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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