so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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