Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
