so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
