The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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