just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
