At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
