Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I pour the whiskey from now on
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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