He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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