Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
