Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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