I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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