I want to make a zoo with you.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
