One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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