im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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