I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
