Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
