it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
