I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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