So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
