If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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