My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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