You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
