Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Someone came in the potted fern
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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