Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
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If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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