so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
