My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
