There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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