Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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