i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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