Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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