its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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