i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I need to calm my uterus...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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