I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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