Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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