We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i dont even know how to be here
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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