I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
