Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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