sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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