I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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