he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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