Only a mothe r could love this liver
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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