he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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