walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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