we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
