When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
