Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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