Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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