Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
