He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
