cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
