How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
