My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
