Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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