not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
