plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
