My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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