Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
