I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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