i need an iv and a liver transplant
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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