If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
