Sorry, I don't speak sober.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I understand Curling. That high.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
