8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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