I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
