tell your sister to shave her snatch
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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