this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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