It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
