LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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