When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
