My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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