how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
